321 | Inviting God Into Your Pain, Cleaning Up Messes, and Living with Peace (Jeremy Morris: Part 2)
Episode Description
Our conversation with Jeremy Morris continues as he shares insight on healing unprocessed pain, rebuilding relationships, and cultivating peace. Jeremy's healing journey wasn't quick or easy, but through his experiences, you'll see God's faithfulness in restoring his family.
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Jeremy Morris is a husband and father of four living in Boise, Idaho. He co-founded Wild Courage, a ministry that equips men to tell the stories born in the redemption of lives and souls. In his free time, Jeremy enjoys coaching football, camping with his family, and managing his ranch.
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· Time doesn't heal all wounds, but God can.
· The thing that you're doing to anesthetize the pain isn't the problem; the pain is the problem.
· Don’t give your family the leftovers of you.
· Walk with your children through enough adversity that they’re prepared for it when they leave the nest.
· Without peace, nothing matters.
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· Learn More About the DadAwesome Accelerator Group: Email awesome@dadawesome.org
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Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.
Jeremy Morris: [00:00:39] They don't get leftovers. I don't get it right all the time. But if my wife and my sons start getting the leftovers of me, I will burn this thing to the ground.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:00:50] Hey guys. Welcome back to DadAwesome. My name is Jeff Zaugg and this is the second half of my conversation with Jeremy Morris. This is episode 321. If you missed episode 320, Jeremy Morris is from the ministry, Wild Courage, lives just outside of Boise, Idaho. An incredible testimony, story of what God has done that's brought him to the place of now helping other men. But the back story was last week. So, we spent about 40 minutes last week, his back story, and now into more practical fatherhood, wisdom and just some insights from him around the journey of being dads. So if you missed last week, definitely pause now, jump back, listen to episode 321, first, with Jeremy Morris, the set up. But today we're going to dive deeper in, a little warning, just like last week, we do talk about some heavier topics, that may be for little ears if you got little kids, we touched on suicide and abuse, and some heavier things with addiction. So, this is one to listen to with your earbuds in or when you're washing dishes after the kids have all gone to bed or in the car or mowing the lawn. So those are your options there. Okay. I do want to highlight quickly, the DadAwesome Spring Accelerator Group kicks off in mid April, but the deadline to register is at the end of March. So you just have like 2 or 3 weeks left to register. And I've highlighted, just a little bit about this experience the last few weeks, but it's a six week coaching experience for only ten dads. I gave an overview of activation coaching, of action planning, of accountability. And then today I just want to highlight two more, of our promises. So these are parts of the DadAwesome Accelerator that we say, hey, we promise we're going to deliver this in this experience. And one is availability. So the access to the team and myself as the facilitator of the DadAwesome Accelerator, we're available. So you can ask questions on the fly. You can say, hey, what about this? Hey, have you guys read this book? Have you, any insights in this situation? So availability is a core part of this that we're going to go all in for six weeks. We want to be available to support one another. So availability is part of the promise. And then the the fifth part of the promise is access to dad notes. So we actually are going to take the top five DadAwesome books, the books that we say we've learned the most from these books, these authors have brought wisdom in a way that we're like, this helps you be DadAwesome. And we're going to break those down into two page summaries, dad notes, and you'll get access to those. So by being a part of this Spring DadAwesome Accelerator, you'll get access to those five summary, summaries of the dad notes of our top five books. And you're going to actually help create one of them. So each guy who's involved is going to, over the course of these six weeks, help contribute to the creation of one of our summary, kind of sheets, the overviews, the dad notes. So more to come with that. But guys, if you want more information about the DadAwesome Accelerator, simply email awesome@dadawesome.org and you'll get the whole fly over the experience, the promises and what we expect of the group that says I'm all in for these six weeks. So again, the deadline to register is end of March email awesome@dadawesome.org to get all the information about this Spring DadAwesome Accelerator group. All right, let's jump right back into the conversation with Jeremy Morris, again, he's from Wild Courage. This is part two, episode 321. Let's lean in. Let's learn. Let's be inspired. Let's put, put this into action as we listen, let's make sure we're listening for this is what I can do to be DadAwesome for my kids. What was the gap from that fifth day and experiencing forgiveness, choosing hope, I'm gonna, I'm going to start taking one day at a time and actually being back with your, your son, what was the, what was the gap?
Jeremy Morris: [00:04:52] So I finished my, it might have been two weeks, I had to stay in Wyoming because they wouldn't let me leave. I went back to Arizona. My wife hadn't moved out yet, at this point, and I slept in the office. And it, I could be in the house as long as he was awake and then the second, and I was doing everything I could to try to tell her I've changed. God took this for me. She's like, good for you. Now get out. He went to bed. Lock the door. Bro, I was sober for probably, four years. And she still didn't believe me. Every time I'd go to pick up my son, she would search my entire truck. And I would be so offended, early on. And Gwen helped me manage, navigate through that. She's like, she has every damn right to look through that truck. For her to let you take her son, is she shouldn't even do that. So it was really hard in for my psyche, for my heart, for my emotions. By year two, I was like, are you kidding? Like I, one time, I'll never forget, I was working in North Dakota, we were talking a little bit more regular. I hiccuped and she's like, I knew it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:31] As a burp.
Jeremy Morris: [00:06:32] I know you've been drinking. This was like two years in. And I was like, at this point, I was like, I get why you would say that. I totally get it. And I'm sorry that I, my past has done so many, so much damage to your heart that this would lead you to believe. But so the walls were high and wide. And I got why. So, at one point, three and a half years in, we'd been separated, the house I was living in, sold. So I started living, staying at her house in the spare bedroom. You know, at this point, we haven't had sex in, like five years. I say that because there's guys out there that need to heed it, hear it. We're pouting because their wife hasn't been intimate with them in a month, and they're pouting about it and being passive aggressive little babies. Get over it. Figure out why you're not connecting to your wife's heart. Try five years and then give me a call and we can talk about it, right. So I'm sleeping in the guest bedroom and I'm getting healthy enough and saving money. Got out of debt. And I find this place in Emmett, which is an hour from my mom and an hour from my dad. My dad has a ranch an hour north of here. And I said, I'm going to, I found this place online, two pictures and I put in a full price offer. It was this barn, which has a whole nother story of what's happening in it now, that I just knew. There's something about that barn in this super old house that was a dump, this whole place was. But, I said, I told her, I said, I'm moving and I'm, and I had it figured out on, on my days off, I'd fly into Arizona, get Layton, come up here for two weeks. Because I was working 30 days on, 14 days off, at the time. So I had it all figured out and she's like, well, maybe I'll come up there and look at it with you. Hope. So she lets me move into her house. Hope. She's like, well, maybe I'll come up there and look at it, hope. Buy the place, it was a short sale, took forever a year and then we had to redo the whole thing. The first night we slept in the same bed. This is, the first night here in this house. And I don't have to look very far to find gratitude, when I wake up every morning and this woman's laying next to me. I just don't have to look very far, man, to find, to be grateful. And it was rocky roads for years, when we moved here, we moved here 11 years ago in March. And then her and I went on the journey, because separation, time doesn't heal wounds. It's not the truth. We went on the marriage journey of healing and repairing each other's hearts and rebuilding and restoring trust. And God just kept sending us the right people along that journey. And we started having, making more babies.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:10:21] Two more boys. There are men listening right now, dads listening, who are in some form of addiction and its caused upstream from that is for sure, it's pain, it's hurt, it's disappointment. There's things upstream that turned into numbing, that turned into addiction. So some guys that's that's the state. And they're hearing this journey and everything crashing down and like they're like there's probably. So I want to I want to talk to that group first. And we're going to talk to the guys who are just they're numbing to different kind of, levels that haven't formed mountains yet. And how would you like, encourage, you know, deposit some courage into the guys who actually it is addiction level, whether it's, it's, it's porn, it's alcohol, it's work. It's I mean, there's probably six other examples of like, no, it actually massive bondage and the, shrapnel is coming. There's an explosion that's going to come with shrapnel is going to cause pain all over the place. Speak to that group first to deposit courage and to give hope to like, no walk in to freedom.
Jeremy Morris: [00:11:33] Yeah, I, I think it's this, I think drinking's not your problem. I think porn's not your problem. I think it's a pain problem. As much as I value, honor, love, cherish, respect AA, I struggled with the, Hi, I'm Jeremy, I'm an alcoholic, and I always will be an alcoholic. I did my two years there. I loved every Monday night with those guys. They helped me walk through a lot, I would just sit there and cry sometimes and feel loved and not judged. But I think that I've never been to a meeting since, that was probably, my last meeting was probably 13 years ago, 12 years ago. And again, nothing but love and respect and honor and my sponsors and one of my closest friends still and. But I think, and I tell guys this all the time, it isn't, the thing that you're doing for the pain, isn't the problem. Let's go back into your story and find that unprocessed pain that sometimes is so subconscious we don't even know. And I also want to, I also want to say this, Jeff, Pain, pain is is is the same. Just because you don't have my story, doesn't mean that your pain is less than mine. I tell guys this all the time. It's relative. Pain is relative. Because I found, I started strong with my story because I'm like, oh, I think I'm invalidating people. Like, well, I didn't, I wasn't sexually abused or I didn't get five DUIs and my wife didn't... It doesn't matter. Your pain, I know guys who are dealing with more stuff because their, their, and their dad was home and their mom was home, and the, and the dysfunction of that relationship and the pain that it caused them, I feel like they went through more pain than I did. So I do want to say that, that the pain is relative and your story matters. But I find, in all the work that we're doing with men, going into your story and inviting God into that messy place that you never thought you could ever talk about is the source of going to the source of that pain and finding out why. Why do I show up the way that I do? Why do I need to look at porn? Why do I need to drink? Why do I need to be a workaholic? And I think the answers lie in there. And then again, just inviting the Father into the mess of that. Getting good help.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:14:38] So that the last statement of getting good help, there is a moment of bringing what's hidden to the light. And pastor, counselor, some trusted friends, spouse. But your answer actually, answers both my questions because the other question was just guys who are just like, there on in every few months into an unhealthy numbing. And then and then they find freedom and then they're back to likely upstream is still the exact same thing. Am I right? Pain is still the unhealed pain.
Jeremy Morris: [00:15:10] Yeah, I like it, I heard somebody say once that emotions are like, driving in a car, they're like kids. You can't, you can't let them drive, but you can't put them in the trunk either, right. God gave us emotions. And I think just being aware of them. It's like I, I say it like this sometimes, like if you're sitting here and here comes a big emotion, it passes by and then we're reactionary to that emotion, it's like if we can get to the point where we're getting tuned with our emotions and understanding them and being able to know what they are and where they come from, I can see my emotions coming. In other words, I can feel it coming and I can catch it, and I can pause and be like, oh, this is where historically I would go look at porn, or I would have three drinks of scotch tonight instead of one, or I'm going to work 70 hours instead of 40, and I'm able to recognize what's coming up. And I'm like, oh, I got you this time. I'm not going to notice that when it's too late. And then the shame piles on, right. And if we can start catching these things and identifying them before they get there and being like, oh, I have a plan for this. I have a remedy for this pain, and I'm working through it. Then pretty soon you become a master of identifying what you're actually feeling and where it's coming from and getting ahead of it so that now it's like, oh, I need to have a talk with my wife because I don't feel connected because we have three kids and she teaches school, and I'm on the road and we're not connecting. I just need to go on a date with my wife and hear her heart and what's going on, and connect with her intimately, that doesn't always mean sex. And it's like, oh, I feel better.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:17:10] Yeah.
Jeremy Morris: [00:17:11] But I, but I didn't know how to do any of that. I didn't have any those tools. This is like, oh, here comes something. I don't know what to do. I'm going to drink. I'm going to look at some porn. I'm going to whatever it is. And then you just feel crappy about it and so full of shame. Then you're like, well, I blew it yesterday, so I might as well blow it again today. And then the pattern comes. And then the opposite of connection happens, right. Then we're separated. Then we start feeling like we're crappy Dad. So we're like, here's a tablet. You go do your thing. Dad's busy. Such a busy, important man. It's because we're disconnected from the people that we're designed to be connected with the most. And because of that repetitive poor behavior and shame, we disconnect. Instead of engaging with our children and our wives.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:18:07] Jeremy, what does that, what are some, like, practical areas of this, this journey? Your story, what God has taught you, what you now are bringing to other men, which we're going to talk about that in a moment with Wild Courage. But how has this informed some things that you're like, I prioritize this, or I do this or that, kind of the practical fatherhood side that you bring, especially to your 7, 9, 16 year old boys? Just any like, top of mind, like, this is what you're this is what you're doing as a dad?
Jeremy Morris: [00:18:40] They don't get leftovers. I don't get it right all the time. But if my wife and my sons start getting the leftovers of me. I will burn this thing to the ground. My kids are not going to be pastor's kids, or dad's an asshole, but man, everybody loves him up there on the stage behind the mic. And I have such a good relationship with my wife, now, that you can gently say, hey, love what you're doing. But see, because my priority is them, my wife sends me on missions. She washes my clothes. She helps me pack. She helps me get ready. She blesses. She prays for me to go do the mission of Wild Courage and travel to do podcasts and do retreat. And she comes in this space and prays and changes the atmosphere when I'm before I meet with somebody. Because she's not getting the leftovers from me. And she sees that my boys aren't getting the leftovers of me. They get my first fruit. So I've, I've, I've learned along the way, because I meet with a lot of dudes. And as you know, as things grow, people reach out and want your time. I don't answer the phone at night. I don't respond to emails, texts, and I don't do weekends. And I've, I've learned to set really healthy boundaries with the mission, the ministry, whatever it is, to protect my family from the mission and me doing all the big, great things out there, trying to save the world. And like I said, my guys, Brian Bird, Mike Evenson that I do this with Nick Mauer, Rick Canfield, they all have permission to look at my blind spot and be like, hey dude, you're getting a little ahead of the priority. And we do that for each other. And so that's what I do to protect my family and doing the big, courageous, the thing.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:09] Yeah, very exactly. I love that, I said that actually on episode one of DadAwesome.
Jeremy Morris: [00:21:14] You did?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:15] 6 years ago. I said, if this ever gets in the way of me being, not a perfect dad, but a dad who is pursuing the hearts of my kids, if it ever gets in the way. Oh, let's just let's just, that can go. The ministry could go. It has to benefit the home front or never, ever want to be a part of it. The the actual, like, pain in our, your boys are still walking through stuff that causes pain. How do you help them today not let that build up over time and stay quiet about those pains? But, but actually experience healing now versus needing a counselor when they're 20.
Jeremy Morris: [00:21:55] So good. I love this question. So like anything with parenting, have no idea what we're doing. My 16 year old, almost. Excuse me. We're helping navigate, this society, this culture. This phone thing has been a great opportunity to help him guide and guard his heart. And we've made so many mistakes and we are using the tools that my wife and I have fought for in our marriage and in our personal lives. And we're giving it to them. Our boys have language and tools that most adults don't have. And we really have an open door policy that's been fostered by my wife, especially with our 15 year old. Like the best talks are at 11:00 at night and and grown up in the church, dude, you didn't talk about sex. You didn't talk, my dad never once talk to me about anything, ever. And we have all the talks and we, like, I've learned so much from Kris Vallotton and his language around this stuff, but it's just having the scary hard talks and and helping them navigate their emotions. And speaking to their heart and not their actions. Now, that doesn't mean there's no discipline and consequences for actions. But it's not the first thing we go to. We go after their heart level of why did you show up this way? What's going on inside of your heart? Why did you throw that at your brother's head, that brick or what? You know, like Cain and Abel stuff, right. Like, and dealing with it in a heart issue instead of what was modeled to us of, like, discipline, discipline, discipline. Shame, shame, shame. And oh, by the way, you've lost your phone for a month and a half, but that's at the end of the conversation of what what's what's leading to this behavior we're seeing and just being super open and safe and not ripping their heads off when they come to us and be like. Creating a safe environment really, I think is, and I tell my wife all the time, I'm like, I don't know of many 15 year old boys that have these conversations with mom and dad. I just don't, I'm happy, we're in the middle of them and I'm like, I can't believe we're talking about this with our son, you know, connectivity. And then, like we say all the time, we don't want our kids to experience trauma. We're good with some adversity because we want to, we want to walk with them through enough adversity when they're old enough and ready to leave the nest, they're not going to go out there and get their asses kicked, because we've been helicopter parents and protected them like I see, especially in the church, right. It's like, no, no social media. No. And I'm not saying advocating for that. We don't, our kids don't do social media, but with the phones and stuff. And I'm like, yeah and then you're kicking them out and they're have access to everything, and you never learn how to navigate it. Like so dude it's messy. I would say this and then I'll quit talking about it. I've learned to get really good at cleaning up my messes and finding humility in the times where I blew it. And I didn't control my emotions and I didn't self-regulate my day and they felt the brunt of it. And if it's getting on my knees with my seven year old, he knows that I was authentically apologizing and cleaning up my messes. We're taking my 16 year old on a weekend trip and been like, we've had a rough patch, and this is the areas where I freaking completely blew it. And humility just always wins, bro. You know that. It always wins.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:26:07] A dad who cleans up his messes. I've never told this story, but it just leapt into my heart, so I'll tell it quick. We had horses growing up and, northern Wisconsin, we opened a brand new children's museum that my mom was a part of helping. So were my younger siblings, and I got to ride a horse through the 4th of July parade to kind of, you know, lead the floats, not the the whole parade, but our float. And my dad, with a wheelbarrow walked behind the horse that was riding, the entire way through the town. And even, even actually at the end, we rode through a drive through at a McDonald's on our horseback and got milkshakes. I mean, why not? Why not? But just being the dad who says I'll clean up my own mess and I'm here to help clean up your mess, too. Like, like that's what I just think about with the horse and following.
Jeremy Morris: [00:26:59] So great.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:27:01] Cleaning manrer off the street and then all the people watching, right. I mean, tens of thousands of people are watching the parade, and watching the dad walk behind with the wheelbarrow. The reason I brought back the horses, though, you you carry yourself, I mentioned this right as we started, like your presence. I just like drawn to wanting to know more about like, how did you like what makes you the way you are, Jeremy? And I know that training, breaking a horse, the horse can actually tell even what's going on in your inner world and that that process, because you had decades of experience with wild horses, before you went through this journey of freedom and forgiveness and, and choosing the humble route. And, how how is it different? I have heard you share a little bit of this on another, another podcast like your presence around horses. How did things change?
Jeremy Morris: [00:27:54] Well, I always say you can't give away what you don't have. And I've thought a lot about that. And I think why maybe some men or people are attracted to being near, around me is because of the peace that I carry. And I say that humbly. And it's an interesting thing because sometimes I think we have to fight for peace, which sounds like it contradicts each other. But I encourage everyone like, I, like I said, I've worked for a lot of rich, wealthy people. I've been in lots of Lear jets. I, I've had a peek into their lives. And without peace, none of it matters. None of it. The atmosphere that you carry when you walk into a room. I was so attracted to horses and dogs because, and I didn't know this at the time, but they're nonjudgmental. They're accepting. So animals have always been very healing for me. I've spent a lot of the thousands and thousands, thousands of hours alone with them. I now, I'm not any smarter with my horse training knowledge, than I used to be. I don't do it for a living anymore, so it's probably even ratcheted down a little bit because I'm not as sharp and I'm older. But I really think it's the peace that I carry now. And also the humility thing and my ego, like I'm not out to prove to anybody how good I am. So I do so much less with the horses that I ride now. And I'm so much further ahead than I used to be. I ride them less, but I'm, I'm just at peace. And I also have gotten better at navigating and, not only my emotions, but my expectations. Because like I said, you can't give away what you don't have, and I'm much kinder to myself. So I'm kinder to my animals. I'm kinder to the people around me. Because the Bible says to love your neighbor as you love yourself. And if you hate yourself, or even parts of yourself. If you're judgmental to your kids, your wife.,That's because there's parts of you that you really don't like about yourself, and that really transfers into, back to your question, the horse thing and the animal thing. And so yeah, I just feel like I have more harmony with every living creature because I really, I really love myself and I'm in process and it's not a bragging, arrogant thing. I just am really comfortable with who I am and where I'm headed, and I have direction and a pep in my step. But it's a slower pace. And yeah, I just have, I just carry a lot of peace in my heart and my soul.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:17] Let's say, like, I want more of that. I don't think that's an arrival for any of us listening right now. I want more of that and it's going to take a fight to get it. Like you said, you don't become a peacemaker, you don't carry without fighting off the things that crowd that out of my own heart.
Jeremy Morris: [00:31:36] Exactly.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:38] In a moment, Jeremy, I'll have you pray over all of us listening. But just to make sure the gift of Wild Courage, and you already mentioned the names of the 5 or 6 of you who are behind that movement. It was shared with me from a friend that said, you got to discover more, what Wild Courage is up to. Because it's it's beyond just Idaho. It's it's traveling fast. And, I know there's gatherings, there's fires happening that are safe places for men to, have that wild courage to share their story and and the power of testimony around a fire. And there's more to it. You're training leaders. There's the podcast, which I'll link out to. So there's a lot that I can share from website, podcasts. But just to share your heart for a minute or two on like, this is what and it's such that even the way you talk about it, in a way it's such a curiosity of like, man, like what is this thing that God's up to? Because it's like, it's feels like it's it's not a strategic plan. It's a, you've discovered something that you're sharing. So would you share a little bit about it though?
Jeremy Morris: [00:32:41] Yeah. It really is the most grassroots, non intentioned thing of me and some buddies sitting around, taking the risk of here I am. Here's the dark, ugly things I don't like about myself that I'm scared of. And it being received, like we talked about earlier, like with the opposite of what I thought it would be. Just like with me first talking about all my sexual abuse and just met with overflowing compassion. And so we started, it actually started in our boardroom around the table. And my buddy Rob Wiley is a hunting guide and outfitter in Wyoming. He'd start bringing his hunting guides over like, you got to come sit in this room like God is showing up in this room. And these guys are unchurched, and they're like, if church was like this, I would never miss a Sunday. And we were like, okay. What if we went out of this lawyer's complex that we're renting a room out of and we did around a fire in my barn. And, forever, it was me and Brian Byrd and Papa Doc Evenson, we call him, and we'd started inviting a few guys, and then they would start inviting a few guys, and then we'd go a couple of months where just be the three of us, and we would have communion and just pray and take bigger swings at vulnerability with each other and letting each other into the deeper waters. And then it was like, okay, we have too many guys. So let's start another night. And then that would happen. And then we started doing it three times a month. Inside my barn here with, like, propane fire pit, you know, and then the summers we'd go outside. And then, you know, in the middle of that started the podcast and they talked about the fires a little bit on the podcast that people started reaching out like, what is the, what are these fires about? And then Brian's friends with Jay Heck, and he'd been doing these things, and God just kind of like breathing on this thing. And so, yeah, I don't even know how many, I don't even know how many Wild Courage fires are going. And we've learned so much in that space of like no shame. But this isn't a Saturday morning men's pancake breakfast. It's not. It's, it's the opposite of that.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:21] No being spoken at.
Jeremy Morris: [00:35:23] No preaching, no teaching, no advice, no throwing Bible scriptures at anyone. We all know and we've all heard them. It invalidates the reality of the vulnerability in which we're sharing our story with, when you say Jesus loves you. I freaking know that already. I know that and it's well intentioned. I understand it, but, we can't fix anybody. But what we can do is create a space if somebody goes first, with vulnerability. It's permission. It's permission. And then we just invite God into the messiness of it all. And we've gotten, I will say this, we're really good at two things, mourning with those for mourning, and we're good at rejoicing with those who are rejoicing because we can sit with this brother who lost a child and weep with him. And we do. But the space, for what we fought for is the next guy can say, I just had sex with my wife for the first time in seven months, and I got a promotion. And as we're wiping away tears for mourning with that guy, we're celebrating with that guy. Because something in our society and men is like, we don't celebrate each other and we don't know what to do when somebody is going through hard stuff and we tell everybody upfront, we can't fix you. But we're not afraid of the mess. We're not afraid. We're not going anywhere. We've, guys go to court dates with guys, and I got to be vague because we're very careful about none of these stories getting out. But, like, it's just turning this thing out of four years or whatever of God just showing up that I'm like, what if we did this in a retreat style and just give every man two hours in a small group to tell a story? Where does that happen? Where you don't have to get cleaned up and go to church and go through the motions and God's good all the time. Amen. Yeah, He is. And He is, but what if circumstances in your life are, that's not how you're experiencing Him right now. Then what do you do? Well, then you turn into three scotches a night instead of two, because you can't go to church and be honest about what you're going through and the pain and the heartache and the human condition that we're all experiencing. Well, you can come to the fire with a bunch of knuckleheads who aren't going to say anything, and they're going to cry with you.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:37:53] Jeremy, before I just have to pause, because I like the simplicity of saying, we're not going to, we're not going to fix this. Like we're not here to fix you. Your message is welcome here. To say we're going to celebrate. If you got something to celebrate, we're going to celebrate with you, imperfectly. We're going to celebrate imperfectly, right. And we're going to and we're going to agree with you imperfectly, like like those simple four things. There's every single person listening has someone, a couple guys, they could they could foster that around a campfire, on a front porch, pull some lawn chairs together at a park, whatever. Like, like like every, a barn is ideal, if you have a barn, that's that's ideal. But, and then lastly, if you can create that which is just a, a gathering of guys who can celebrate, their eass is welcomed, they don't feel like they're being fixed and thrown Scripture at, they can they can grieve and be real. To, to take the next step, which is going to take a little bit. You can't jump, week one, say share the two hour version of your story. I mean, maybe there's those moments. That's the right. You got a friendship already. And it's like we actually need to carve time, rent a cabin and let's go each take two hours. I just want to, like, put an exclamation point on it. When I was invited, it was about an hour, not a two hour story. But that's the privilege of being welcome to share my story. Unscripted, unprepared. Just saying we care enough about you. We want to sit here and here, and we're going to ask some follow up questions. If you're not sharing enough because we want to pull this out of you, it will help you share your story and experience the loving kindness of like, being able to share your story and go after it for an hour or two. It's so not happening with men and it's so power unlocking. So I just like there's my exclamation point to say it. Every single person listening without going, to your website, without coming to my website, without a curriculum, you can do what you're describing.
Jeremy Morris: [00:39:58] Yeah. It just takes, it just takes some wild courage to go first.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:40:03] Yes, yes.
Jeremy Morris: [00:40:04] That's it. And and it's permission. But, you know scared I was to tell my story the first time? And, I will say this too. We've seen divorce papers come off the table. We've seen sons and fathers heal their relationships. I can't even begin to tell you the miracles that we've seen. And I love how you pointed out the simplicity of it. Because it is supposed to be the simple gospel, right. And we've made it all of these other things and theological viewpoints and 47,000 different denominations. We have Mormons, which we live in Idaho, so there's a lot of LDS brothers. We have everything from Mormons to agnostics show up. And our Pentecostal brothers and our Baptist brothers and the agnostic guys who have even come to our retreats are like, you know, we consecrate and pray, and this is about advancing a Kingdom. And they're like, you know what they they've all said, we don't feel judged by you. We feel loved. And I'm like, well, I guess if we do that right, we don't care where your story comes from. We just care about you sharing it, because we've seen so many guys get healing through so many crazy things in the 400 of these things we've done, or however many ever and our retreats of like just creating space for guys to be seen. That simple and not judge them and don't try to fix them, and throw Scripture at them, and all the things that we good, well-meaning Christians do.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:41:48] Wow. Jeremy, thank you. Thank you for the courage that I feel from you, unlocking some more of that in me in this conversation. And thank you for the hope that I know is rising up in the guys listening. I want to invite you, there's a lot of things we've talked about, and, this is one of, this is one of the all time longest DadAwesome recordings.
Jeremy Morris: [00:42:15] Sorry.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:42:17] No. Don't be sorry. I have treasured, I've treasured this conversation. Treasured it, and is so excited to share. But would you pray over all of us? Just a short prayer for us?
Jeremy Morris: [00:42:26] Yeah. Thank you Father. Thank you for all of Your sons and daughters who will listen to this. And I just pray that there's a seed of hope that's been planted. That whatever it is that anyone is going through, they don't feel alone in it. And know that You are good and Your timing is perfect. You are a good, good Father. And that You show up in crazy ways and You're bigger than we think You are. You're more intentional with us than we think we are. And that You send the right people at the right time. So I just pray, Lord, that we open our eyes to see You moving. And the possibilities and the people that You're sending in our direction and putting in our paths, even for a short season, to bring a slice of You to earth. In the moments that we need, we need it. We need hope, and we need Your redemption. And I thank you for Your redemption. I thank You for Your redemptive power in my story and everyone that's open to it. And so I just pray a blessing over Jeff and his family and his ministry and all the things that he puts his hands to. In your name. Amen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:43:55] Thank you so much for joining us this week for episode 321 with Jeremy Morris. All the links, the transcripts, the top quotes, the action steps and kind of highlight statements from this episode are all going to be located at dadawesome.org/podcast. I want to encourage you guys to check out the ministry, Wild Courage. Listen to a couple episodes of their podcast. They are doing amazing work, and they've got groups of men all around the world who are gathering to do Wild Courage fires. So we'd encourage you guys to check, check out more from Jeremy Morris. Guys, this matters so much that you guys listen to last week and this week, this two part series, it matters. Your story matters. We we mentioned in the conversation the idea of just gather a couple other dads and come around these really core, simple elements of, this is a safe place. You're not going to be judged here. Hey, we're going to celebrate with you. We're going to grieve with you. Your story matters. Like setting up and being the guy who says, I'll be the spark. I'll be the guy who takes initiative. I'll be the guy who gathers. That can bring such freedom to yourself and to others. We can't, we can't walk into the dad life with pain that we haven't been healed of, we haven't processed through this suppressed pain really brings what we described as kind of shrapnel. It brings hurt. It brings, a broad range of the people around us are going to be hurt if we don't go into our own stories and into areas of forgiveness and freedom and do it in brotherhood. So I want to encourage you guys, have courage, have wild courage, be that kind of dad and your kids forever will be thankful. Thanks for being DadAwesome. Have a great week, guys.
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· 12:37 - "The thing that you're doing for the pain, isn't the problem. Let's go back into your story and find that unprocessed pain that sometimes is so subconscious we don't even know. I also want to say this, pain is the same. Just because you don't have my story, doesn't mean that your pain is less than mine. The pain is relative and your story matters. Going into your story and inviting God into that messy place that you never thought you could ever talk about and going to the source of that pain and finding out why."
· 23:11 - "It's just having the scary hard talks and helping [your children] navigate emotions. Speaking to their heart and not their actions. Now, that doesn't mean there's no discipline and consequences for actions, but it's not the first thing we go to. We go after their heart level of why did you show up this way? What's going on inside of your heart? Dealing with it in a heart issue instead of what was modeled to us of, like, discipline, discipline, discipline. Shame, shame, shame. Creating a safe environment. We don't want our kids to experience trauma. We're good with some adversity because we want to walk with them through it. I've learned to get really good at cleaning up my messes and finding humility in the times where I blew it. Humility just always wins. It always wins."
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