350 | Leading With Wonder, Investing Time With Your Kids, and Lightening Your Load (Jeff Zaugg)
Episode Description
Mic flip! Listen as Jeff Zaugg sits down with Kent Evans and Lawson Brown on the Father on Purpose Podcast to discuss his own parenting journey. He shares fresh ideas to help you live an awesome dad life, invest time with your kids, and model joy, faith, and wonder.
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Jeff Zaugg is the founder of DadAwesome and Fathers for the Fatherless, two ministries that resource and rally dads through engaging podcasts and 100-mile bike rides. Jeff and his wife, Michelle, have been married for eighteen years and are parents to four daughters.
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· You’re not being DadAwesome if you’re just pursuing the heart of your wife and kids; being DadAwesome requires brotherhood.
· Never wait until you think you’ve “arrived” before you take the initiative to lead.
· Help your kids remember God’s provision by prompting them with this phrase: “Look at what God did.”
· There’s no better way to spend your time as a dad than by intentionally connecting with your kids.
· If you’re a discouraged father, it’s time to throw off weight from the past, receive God’s love, and walk in your sonship.
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Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:00:39] God invites us to receive what Jesus received the day He was baptized. The heavens ripped open and God said, you are My love sons. Dads, I want you to hear it, like you're a loved son of God, that's your identity. Be a son before you're trying to be a father. You are a loved son of God. And then He says In you I am well pleased. Those words are for us, as adopted sons of God, we get to walk in being a loved son of God and knowing that God's pleasure is all over us. He's like, you can do it. Walk as a loved son of God and bring your whole heart and your shiny eyes to the dad life. Walk in that confidence and swagger, like be DadAwesome. This is episode 350 of DadAwesome. My name is Jeff Zaugg. Hey guys, welcome to the podcast. Welcome to the show. Fun story, I have no air conditioning. Our air conditioner in our rental house in Northeast Florida went out. And as you can imagine, even in September, Florida is still hot. So recording in the heat, hopefully by the time this podcast is released, I'm about a week before the release date, hopefully we have air conditioning back. But that's just a fun side update. Guys, we actually are going to do, for episode 350, doing a mic flip. So this is where I was a guest with an incredible ministry, Manhood Journey. I was a guest on their Father on Purpose podcast with Kent Evans and Lawson Brown. These guys, phenomenal co-host. They interviewed me, so they put me on the hot seat, asked a bunch of questions about really about the six and a half year journey of DadAwesome and about why did our family hit the road in the RV. Hey, what are some current like themes? And like they got after, what are some of the things that keep this fire stoked? Keep me passionate about pressing onward with the DadAwesome vision, mission? And I just feel like after the podcast this is, this would be a helpful conversation to share with our community and when more significant milestone numbers 350, that's a lot of podcast, when those roll around, sometimes I'll do a mic flip anyway. So this was released on their podcast a couple months ago and I'm thrilled to share the conversation with you guys. We reference, a couple of times, the Anger Free Fatherhood, the incredible online course in small group curriculum that they offer. So I'll link in the show notes resources for Manhood Journey. As you guys know, the six and a half year journey of DadAwesome, I love sharing other people's resources. So you're going to, you're going to find this is just the normal thing is I love recommending other podcasts, recommending other people's books and ministries and courses and small group curriculums. And I'm just thrilled any time I hear of any church doing anything to help dads be intentional dads. Any time I hear about any dad who says, Hey, I'm gathering other dads to learn and grow and pray for each other, we're doing this book, study or this content, or this curriculum. Any time I hear about those moments of like guys taking initiative in the area of intentional fatherhood, helping dads be awesome dads, it does not have to be us. So if any of you stop listening to DadAwesome and only listen to Manhood Journey from now on, that's totally cool. I just want to see a generation of dads press in with their whole hearts. So anyways, I'm getting off topic a little bit, so let's jump in. This is my conversation, me being interviewed on episode 350 on the Manhood Journey: The Father on Purpose podcast. This is episode 350 of DadAwesome.
Kent Evans: [00:04:15] I want to introduce my friend Jeff Zaugg. We met a few months ago in Washington, DC at an event that Jeff was hosting. Jeff, so far you and I have known each other for a few months and already you've added tremendous value to my life. You've connected some dots. In fact, the church in Atlanta that is doing our Anger Free Dad course, you indirectly connected us to because of the event that you led recently and you've done a lot of that connecting over the last several years. Before we dive into all that, tell us a little bit about you and your family and the ministry of DadAwesome.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:04:46] So thankful to join you guys today. And yeah, love Manhood Journey. DadAwesome has a similar heart and I'll give the backstory in a second. Let me tell you the most important thing first. I, I am a husband. I've been married eighteen years to my best friend, Michelle. We have four daughters and the dad life is a gift. Like I love being a dad to my four girls. In fact, for a while, for like two and a half years, we lived in our RV traveling the country and I would be out for a walk, like to the laundry, laundry facility at an RV park. And I'm holding my little girls hands walking through the RV park, and people would say, Man, are you hoping for a boy? Like, like they assume that because I have four girls that I'm missing something. And I'm like, No, I'm not missing anything dad. Dad life, It's so good, but it's also overwhelming. And so we started DadAwesome almost seven years ago with the intent of helping dads just like me. I was only a dad of two little girls at the time cause my girls are 10 through the youngest is 3. So the youngest has lived her whole life, basically, in an RV, traveling for ministry or the mission of DadAwesome. But yeah, it's, DadAwesome started from a desire of can we just help dads love the dad life, bring their full hearts and guide their kids towards a God who is all things awesome. And it's been a yeah, almost seven year journey.
Lawson Brown: [00:06:10] Wow. Man, that is, that sounds great to me. I don't, I don't know that my wife would be down for a two year RV trip with, with little kids. But I love that thought. What, what how'd that, how'd that come about? I'm sure most people listening were like, whoa, wait, what now? You just glanced right over that two years in an RV thing.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:29] Sure, Yeah. There's like two pieces to that question, or that answer. One is the the starting point of DadAwesome was a spot where I felt like I was not being intentional as a dad. I wasn't reading books, wasn't listening to podcasts, had never done an online course, shout out to Anger Free Fatherhood. You guys' course amazing that online cohort that you just, you just welcome the guys into. I had never been to a conference, never been a part of a small group, never reached out to a mentor specifically for dad wisdom. So all of a sudden, here I am with a four year old and a one year old, and I had not the primary inputs of intentional growth. I could say I was missing in all those areas. So who am I to start a dad ministry, right? To start a an initiative around intentional fatherhood. And truly, it was an experiment that turned into, it was ten weeks of learning and sharing and then into, I just like, man, I was learning so much personally that I just kept going with this weekly podcast and small group curriculum and it went forward. But when we started activating Dads, so we realized that about half of the dads in my church community and my circle of friends did not opt into self-help in the area of, man, I want to grow, I want to get a daily text message to be an intentional dad or, Hey, I want to join a small group. I want to put in my earbuds. Voices of men talking about intentional fatherhood, about half opted out. Lots of reasons that I think dads would opt out to that intentional learning that we were creating, the curation of great resources. But as soon as we invited those those men, those dads, to do something on behalf of the fatherless. So we invited these guys, would you come ride your bike, 100 miles with us, on behalf of our partners who directly serve the fatherless by inviting them to action. So we're, our big prayer is, man, we'd be activating dads to lead with wonder. And we found that activation actually brought that deeper, than we do this kind of we just drip intentional fatherhood resources to the guys as they train and as they ride and as they fundraise for our partners. But the mission is others with Fathers for the Fatherless. We created this mission called Fathers for the Fatherless, hundred mile bike ride, which is now turned into obstacle course races and half Ironman and triathlons and runs and other things. But we, we found invitations coming around the country, hey, would you come and help run one of these events? We're seeing what God is doing and it started out of the Twin Cities in Minnesota, Minneapolis, Saint Paul. So I have all these invites and I look at my wife and my little girls and the idea of being the dad that flies away from his girls to go lead this initiative, this DadAwesome and Fathers for the Fatherless initiative. We just...
Lawson Brown: [00:09:05] Probably a lot are on the weekends, right?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:08] You got it's the rides are usually on Saturdays and nothing, of course, there's some times you need to fly, fly away, missions calls us and family can send us away from family to lead in this area. But we had the opportunity to go all in and do it as a family. What a gift, right. What a gift. We borrowed an RV for out first lap and then we rented an RV, and then we bought an RV. And the next thing we knew, 550 nights of living on the road in an RV, hosting these events. It's just like, you can't make this stuff up.
Kent Evans: [00:09:37] But wait a minute? How can you do that many bike rides in Minnesota? I mean, you can only bike there in like July?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:42] There's the sweet spot. Yeah, exactly. We did our first ride in on Father's Day weekend, the day before Father's Day. And it was so cold, the training. We were, we were biking in like snow, in the April snow. So we were like, let's not do that. So we moved it to August. But yes, Minnesota has had a ride every year for six years. And that it's really it has spread all around the country. So we're, we're still in awe. We can't believe it. We just celebrated last week, so it's fun to shout this out, not, this is not a look what we did, but we've had over a thousand men say yes to this mission. We've been kind of creeping up on this big threshold goal and all the money we raise, we asked the guys to raise $750 each as a fundraising piece to help our partners who directly serve the fatherless. So none of that money goes back to DadAwesome, it's so fun, just give it away. Give it away. But we give, through our international partner and a local partner with each of our events, we passed, just five days ago, we passed the $1 million mark that we celebrated, giving $1 million to our partners who are doing life changing work. And my team and I are looking at each other, the guys who kind of started this thing were like, Can you believe this? Like I, I didn't even want to wear spandex to get on a bike and bike a hundred miles, I didn't want to do it. And now a thousand guys, you know, have said yes.
Kent Evans: [00:10:53] The only organization I've given $1 million to is AT&T because of my cell phone bills for me and my family. So, golly, you've raised money for the fatherless and I've sent it to the telecommunications industry.
Lawson Brown: [00:11:07] Hey Jeff, first of all, dude, I love your energy. You have got some fantastic optimism. And, and you talk super fast. And again, you've done it, you've blown by something that I think that it really struck me and I saw it on your website. When you say lead with wonder, that struck me. And, you know, I don't think enough people, I don't, I don't hear that. I don't, I don't hear lead with wonder or anything, you know, kind of like that. And what it, what it meant to me was, let's hold the hands of our children and lead our families and our wives and take a moment to realize what God is doing in our lives, in the lives of others, in what He's created. You know, I love camping. My girls have grown up with some camping. And, and I, it's rare to go out into nature and not have that sense of wonder. So I know, I know you weren't going down that path necessarily of of nature. But how did that, how did that happen? And and what does that mean to you?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:12:14] Thank you for asking and kind of rewinding because, yes, I do get passionate storytelling also, I'm way over here. So rewinding to activating dads to lead with wonder, those three words, lead with wonder that you were curious about. I think the dad life is the default, if we're not, if we're not focused, if we're not prayerful is is to all of a sudden move towards passivity or move towards, let's just keep this thing mildly under control. Let's just try to like keep it under control versus you put on the leadership. It's like, well, I've moved from passive to, no I'm actually I'm a part of charting a course. So leadership is huge for dads. And to see it as a gift, the leadership is a gift we've been given that we can take leadership on the home front, but then with wonder, the with side is, man, it's a joy to be with my kids and let them know that I like being with them and take them with me on the road or to this adventure, to this place or this errand, or to do this job, or to lead this mission. The with side, do your kids love, do my four little girls love being with dad? And do they see my job, my marriage, my friends as like I can be with him in those spheres, right? But you had wonder, and I'm glad you mentioned, I'm glad you mentioned nature. Wonder, my goodness, there's there's the stars, there's nature, there's a waterfall, there's a sunset, a sunrise, there's an ocean. There's so many things. I stopped for like 15 minutes and looked at a duck, this was a couple of years ago with my daughter. There's a duck in a frozen pond, and we were just talking with like, there's so much wonder about the feathers and how it's protected and how it's designed in the, gosh, like there's so much wonder if you pause, but if you invite your kids with you into that wonder. And the story we tell is, man, if a dad will take his kids to the waterfall of God's love. So this is the wonder mixed with like, man, core experiencing the love of God. Being a loved son of God. If a dad will go to that waterfall, so picture a hike, picture a waterfall, and maybe you've been up near. If a dad will get soaking wet with the love like the love of God and their kids love to be with Dad, there's no way those kids don't get wet with the love of God and that we anchor that back to Deuteronomy 30:19. I've set before you life and death, blessings and curses, choose life so that you and your kids may live and that live is not survive. That live is not just like a baseline. Like we get to choose as dad's life or death. If we choose life, if we choose to enter with our whole hearts and pursue the hearts of our kids and experience the love of God and bring our kids with us to get wet, soaking wet with God's love, then the promise is forward to future generations with that verse. If we choose life, then they may live and live, and we need that's our prayers that that'll be a ripple effect forward of dads that live with their whole hearts and active, you know, their, dads that lead with wonder will raise kids who lead wonder and it snowballs.
Lawson Brown: [00:15:17] So, Jeff, if I'm taking my, my boys golfing and I'm out looking for my ball for a half an hour in the woods, does that count as leading with wonder? Because I don't know where my ball is. I'm wondering where the ball is.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:15:32] That's so good. I'm going to I am going to dial into that humor for a second because curiosity and failure of like, I messed up the shot. Let's just be curious. Here we go. Here we go. Pippi Longstocking, anybody read that recently? It's just me as a girl? She says, she says be a thing finder, and she takes these two little friends out and they look for things and they actually celebrate finding junk is what it is. And we talk about being thing finders, in our family.
Lawson Brown: [00:15:57] AKA, Ken's golf ball.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:15:58] Yeah, exactly. Like. Like, can we can we make it fun even when we've, you know, messed up and hit the ball where it doesn't belong? Can we make it fun? Make it fun, Kent.
Lawson Brown: [00:16:07] That's good.
Kent Evans: [00:16:08] That I can do. That part, I can do.
Lawson Brown: [00:16:10] You turned that waisted comment from Kent into something really good. Hey, so I went and saw the new movie The Forge. We had the Kendrick brothers on podcast, and I went last night and something you just said, there's two things in that movie that and I don't want to spoiler, spoiler, I don't want to give anything away because Dad's go see this movie, The Forge. But you said get soaking wet with God's love. There was a moment in the movie where this young man is challenged to either be a, he says, Don't be a fountain, excuse me, he says, Be a fountain, not a drain. And when you said soaking wet with God's love and leading your kids with wonder and leading them to that waterfall, man, I remembered back to to what he was saying, that really struck me. So talk just a little bit about how do you, how do you do that? What sorts of opportunities can you weave in practically into your life, in your family, with your kids, with your wife to lead them to the waterfall?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:17:12] Yeah. So, such a good question. And I love the movie, The Forge. Have had a chance to see it twice now. I invited guys in my area of Northeast Florida to come with me on opening night, and it is such a just like for any dad listening, the easiest thing ever, it's not leading a long term small group, it's not a coaching session. It's not, just by texting some other dads, you know, and say, come to this movie with me. It's like the easiest, lowest bar to take initiative and to say, I'm going to be a difference maker versus someone waiting for someone else to take initiative in the area of the dad life and discipleship. So there we go, everyone's been challenged and invited. Just, just get a few other dads and go see this movie. It will make a difference. But the fountain, the analogy of a fountain versus a drain, just like take, take, take a drain versus a fountain, just give, and the bubbling over and we just talk that to pair the fountain with the waterfall. You never wonder if that waterfall's going to run dry. Now, in the course of a season, maybe it does slow down a waterfall. But when you're there with your kids, there's never a question of will that, like if you have a water park, there's a chance they could turn the water off and that slide gets turned off. But a waterfall, there's no one turning that that off. It's going to keep flowing and there's no scarcity in it, right. And as a dad, I want my girls to see my marriage, my friendships, I want them to know that we're a family who gives, we're a family that doesn't hoard and gather and say more for me, more for me. We take joy, it is fun to give. And we've had a few families in our home this past week and hosting is probably a great just practical way to do this is just get families in your home and families that are having a hard time. And it's not hard to think about what are a few families who are just having a hard time. It could be so many different aspects of that. The families that were in our home this past week, we had a chance and our girls saw it like we brought life to that other family. And guess who else ended the evening with a huge smile on their face? Like we as a family are way better off. Like we feel so much more life. Can you believe we get to spend that evening with the family. Because when you just are a fountain and you just give and it's some of it actually led to prayerfully follow up giving to help that family out because of the place they're at in certain circumstances. And we, this morning, huddle up and we prayed as a family for some of our friends who are at a court hearing right now. And we're like, let's let's huddle up, stack hands and pray. And our entire breakfast prayer had nothing to do with breakfast. It was all about this family who we love. And so that's the examples of being a fountain of just like, man, are we, where's our aim? Is it self-focused or others focused? And we we try to do that with the ministry, DadAwesome. And I've told my girls, if it at all is counter family, if the giving makes me a less awesome dad, then I'll shut it down. Here's the little button to flip and the eject button to shut the ministry down. I'll shut it down if I'm not, if I'm not actually living, not a perfect dad life, but a dad life of they know I'm coming after their hearts. I'm praying for them, for them. I'm going to be present. And they know that dad is on mission and they're they like that they have a dad who's on mission. And so that's the fountain, like I want to be about others versus just myself.
Lawson Brown: [00:20:17] Yeah, dude. Well said. Kent and I talk a lot and and and data research that, that Kent, through Manhood Journey, and the team have done says that it's a whole lot harder to do this dad thing on your own, then with help. And one more, one more reference to The Forge and I really want to be careful here because it's a cool moment in the movie where he's, he's relating God's word to the sword. You know, it can be a sword in our life. And he's, he challenges this young man to hold the sword out and he keeps talking and he's, he's kind of leading up to something. The sword as he's talking, the swords getting heavier, right. Well, one of the other dads in this little group do? They show how just with a finger, they'll come to the end of the sword and and prop it up for him. And, man, I literally got teary eyed watching that scene because it was such a vivid reminder. And, you know, I've got guys in my life, but I want to be more purposeful in bringing them into the struggles in my life, not just keeping in touch, but let's go even deeper. What kind of advice or examples have you seen where God does work through us as dads with other guys in our life?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:42] Yeah. So many. The sword picture from that film, though, of it's all his strength to hold the sword out at an hour with outstretched arm holding a sword. And it's just one little finger. It's so light to bring such relief. And that is the parallel, like the stories I can think of. And a lot of them actually tie to being on mission together. The friendships forms when we've joined a mission together of this Fathers for the Fatherless campaign of guys riding together, training together, having a tire go flat and your roadside getting bit by mosquitoes, changing the tire. And what happens over the course of time, when you do things together, has been all of a sudden permission given to speak into each other's life. And the counselor that I went and saw, and met with a counselor the first time my first year of marriage, 17 years ago. And it took a lot of courage for me to go see that. It actually took a devastating circumstance outside of our own marriage to get me to go see a counselor, right. The best gift ever. And I've seen so many guys move with courage to speak and go in and say, Hey, go see, I'm going to help introduce you to a counselor because I am for your family and I want to see your family healthy and unified and whole and go the distance versus this thing implode. And so I've seen these little and it didn't take anything for that relationship or that guy to speak that challenge because they've journeyed together and have sweat together, have, have bitten up by mosquitoes together. Now that inserting a little bit of an encouraging, like saying, hey, you can do this. Let me let me share some of my story, anchor that to some of your story and plant some hope and some purpose and some future. It didn't take much to share that, but it was received because of a friendship formed. And we say at DadAwesome, like you are not being DadAwesome, if you're just pursuing the heart of your wife and your kids. If it's just about you in the home front, you actually have missed half the mission because it's all shortsighted. If you don't have brothers, if you don't have a few other guys that are after this mission together, you will not make it the distance. You will not be able to hold that arm, hold that, hold that strength. You, you have to. It's the only way to be DadAwesome is to do it in brotherhood. So everything we do is trying and I know you guys are the same way. It's like you have to move, but sometimes it's not as simple as just, well, find a few friends. Like it's actually take some stepping stones to get from being a lonely dad who doesn't have the friends to, in my example earlier of going out to see The Forge movie together is a perfect example of just like a simple first step. I'm hosting a couple of different small groups right now and a monthly Dad gathering. I just invite a bunch of guys in and it just slowly if you take initiative and never wait until you feel like you've arrived to lead something in the area of fatherhood. As soon, as soon as thinking it that that lie planted of you have to have arrived, then he wins and a global movement of no fatherhood ministry happening, because we all are struggling and we all and if you look at the state of the church with fatherhood ministry, just look for groups and small group directories. Are there anyone doing dad groups? It's like, I think it's like the 1%, like 1 out of 100 are doing anything. So there's some because that Satan is winning with this lie that you have to have arrived to lead and take initiative and be a gatherer and a curator and and grab some curriculum and start a campfire. Like it's so easy, but so few dads are the ones that are willing to go first. So I'm pretty passionate about this stuff.
Kent Evans: [00:25:07] Yeah. Well, speaking as the only perfect dad around, that's me. I can only lead so many, you know? I can only lead so many. So I'm going to have to have some other help along, I'm just kidding. Man for sure. Like I, I've had just even in the last week, I've had guys who are involved in my life speaking into my life, words of encouragement and strength that are relationships, Jeff, I've cultivated for in some cases a couple of decades like these are not guys I met last week. These are guys I've known for 5, 10, even 20 something years. And so what you're saying to me resonates so deeply because to live the isolated life as a man is man that's dangerous and foolish. I'm trading emails not too long ago with somebody I don't even know where they live geographically. But I do know that the guy is isolated, that he's reaching out because he doesn't know who else to reach out to. And what I'm asking him is, man, who do you have nearby? Who do you have that's in your circle that you can go to, grab coffee with or grab lunch with? And so far, those answers have been like kind of nobody. And I'm like, man, it's going to be harder. It's going to be harder for that guy. I want to pivot a little, Jeff, to we have a lot of guys listening, I'm sure, who are raising daughters. And I want to ask you questions about your kids are all really young. What are some things that you're doing or your wife is doing, these days in the last year or 2 or 3 to pour into your daughters specifically? What are some things that you guys either do all together as a family or you do, you know, with them individually or your wife does with them? Give a dad raising young daughters some practical tips that you have learned either on the do side or the do not side?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:26:59] Yeah. The first one that jumped into my my heart, as you asked the question, is remembrance. So we are trying in every phase to capture, look what God did. Look, look how God provided this house that we're renting. Look how God provided for this, this prayer that we were praying. Look how God provided for this family who we love, and we write those things down. We use our photos and our calendar as anchoring, like to remind us and we try to do this monthly. And sometimes it's even more often when we are living in the RV, it was every time we, we pulled up the leveling jacks and pulled in the slides and moved the RV. We made a list of look what God did. Some of them are so little there, we got a discount on these tickets to go to this water park and like, I mean, like truly we wouldn't have gone if it wasn't for the discount. So we said to God, thank you, right for that good gift. And we by, by really just putting a foundation of remembrance in our girls. And this would apply to boys or girls. But their little hearts, you could see their eyes, and my wife works really hard on photo books and like capturing memories because we'll live forward with more faith and more like expectant for miracles, if we can really capture, celebrate and give thanks for the past. So, so that's a, that's a tool that we use with our our girls. Yeah, daddy daughter dates, even my oldest is about to turn 11. She's totally good with me calling it a date still and like it like it's just like it's fun. It's precious and it's simple. We've done, small scale is going to go to that gas station and let her pick out which Tic-Tacs and we don't even eat all of them, she eat like two of them. Like it's that, the budget can be super low, I do try to add a little bit of epic into my dad daughter dates not just buy something sweet. So we'll, we'll do active base things. We'll go surfing now that we live near the ocean. And I'm working, actually, I have a plan with my 11 year old. She starts it here in two weeks when she turns 11. We have an, we have a 10 year plan of, of monthly 100 minute conversations and we actually have the first two years mapped out. So instead of be building it, she built it with me. And it's just a, it's a monthly daddy daughter date with a little more, a little deeper purpose, it's longer. It leads to 10,000 minutes of intentional connection time over, we don't even do it every month, we do 10 months out of the year. And because we got a few months, we just intentionally she's like said, let's take Christmas month off and birthday month off. It's just it's fun. She picked the two months take off and we're going to like do ten of there a year. And we've actually, we've done a few of these rounds before. This one has, we feel like we've piloted this one on one and a little bit of like a discipleship plan. We've done a few rounds of piloting, trying to see what works and now we kind of we have a dialed in and we're kicking it off. So you'll have to ask me to keep me accountable in a year. Did you do ten of those with your daughter, your oldest daughter? But I truly, letting her build the plan with me versus saying, I've got a plan. I've got a plan of let's do this together. She's like excited for it. Each one adds, there's a, there's like a challenge each month that we've created that tie with the themes. And so, so that's an example of like a dad who's maybe geeking out a little bit on intentionality, but it's once a month and it's not that many minutes. It's so funny. I will make time for, if either of you guys said, Hey, can we grab another half hour together to talk on the separate topic after this recording? I would say yes, if either of you guys asked, right. And I only met you guys recently, why would I not let my seven year old who asked for 30 minutes, would I not hold that calendar appointment? So the dad daughter dates and putting them on the calendar and following through, making them fun.
Kent Evans: [00:30:19] I've just got to go back to what you just said. I want, I want a dad to hear that so clearly because we so frequently, as men, when we've done surveys of dads and we've had thousands of answers to this question, what is your single greatest challenge as a father? Literally thousands of answers. And most of them, the vast majority, have something to say about time, which is interesting. And they don't say like, you know, my kids addiction to their technology device or whatever. They say, I don't have enough time. I don't have enough time, time, time, time, time. We hear that all of the time. And I would like for you just to double click on what you said a minute ago about how much time this takes and how we as men would tend to give that time away in other places, whether that's volunteer committee or business, or someone popped into our office and said, Hey, you got 15 minutes. Man, that really lands hard with me in a good way, that where are we spending our time? Where are we wasting our time and where are we investing our time? Can you just talk a little more about that? How did you get there mentally?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:28] Yep. So I was given and this may sound a little weird, but I was given $60,000 from my grandpa when I was, let's see, I was, I was a freshman.
Kent Evans: [00:31:38] Is your grandpa still alive?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:40] No, he passed away. I'm a freshman in high school and he gave all ten grandkids, he intentionally seeded money for our college in savings bonds. And I did, I let it grow a little, actually, maybe was 40 and grew to 60. And I paid that, that's what it took with me working hard and having minimal loans. I was able to pay for most of my college, about 75% of my college with that gift. If I would have taken the $60,000 in the year, it was like 2000 or 2001 when I paid off college and then put it into Apple stock. If I were to put the money into Apple stock and taken, just played a slow game on my college loans, you know, that would be roughly $18 million today. If I was taking the gifts from my grandpa, the compounded interest in one stock that we know did pretty well, right. Okay. So I am convinced, and this is, so I'm going to use a spreadsheet analogy. I have a spreadsheet with my four daughters names on the spreadsheet. And when they're about 25 to 30, there's four blanks of their four husbands names on that spreadsheet. And then when they're about 30, they're having kids. And I have a factor of, you can do a factor of if they each have three kids, each have four, whatever the number is. But it plays forward and each generation is on their 126 years from now. I played this out four generations. I will not be alive 126 years from now. I know, though, that if it played out at the high end of the scale four kids each, future husbands, you add the different numbers of husbands and and spouses and kids and grandkids. It's over 600 is just for my own family. So this is why I think it's important to do the Apple stock alongside of just the family multiplication. If kids have kids and get married and have kids and get married and have kids, forward. So I pray now for those for future husbands. But I think, I actually need a longer view of time. If I think a long route, hundreds and hundreds of yards downscale it to 300 that would come from my own family. Dads, If we think about the longevity of investment of time, we only have this limited amount of time with our kids before the time is, it's tiny, fractional moments once they leave the house. It's tiny, fractional moments versus deep, rich opportunity when they're on the home front. So I, I've built this ten year plan for my oldest to take her through 21 years old. I even know that the last few years of that scale, if she's in college or she's, you know, doing gap year stuff or on mission or whatever, it's going be harder to find that 100 minutes, once a month, with my daughter, it's going to be much harder. It might have to be through Zoom calls, like this one. So the reason for all those different the backdrops of the Apple stock versus the long 126 year spreadsheet versus right now these hundred minutes once a month. Dads, this is, this is just the easiest, easiest, best investment with compounding interest than we can ever imagine. There's no possible way to spend time better than some intentional dad daughter, dad son outings with a little bit of a topic and my my time with my girls is 80% or out of five questions are ridiculousness. It doesn't matter. I'm talking about weird smells. I'm talking about this or that or if I had this growth on my arm, what would I do? I like I'm just like silly, ridiculous things. And then, one, I sprinkle in one that I really care deeply about. I'll ask, hey, is there a time in the last few weeks where I've hurt you? That your heart has been sad because of something I did? And I sprinkle in some deeper, meaningful questions that give me an opportunity to show love and repentance and care and dads, like this is not hard to prioritize. We're not talking 10,000 hours. I said 10,000 minutes is my goal with my with my ten year old over ten years. Like it's just sprinkling in intentional time. So I could go on and on and on. Does that answer the question you asked as far as why?
Lawson Brown: [00:35:27] Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, being intentional like that, I love it. You're also modeling communication with men when you're doing this with your daughters. I think about that, you know, as they're, as they're growing in their relationship, I have, I have two that are in their early mid 20s. And, you know, you can, you can see in their lives that the expectation they have of men is based on what they've seen. So you, way to go dude. I also want to just throw this at you, just affirm the work that you're doing. You know, the Bible says to to lift each other up. I was reading Romans 12 earlier this morning. Romans 12:11 and 12, you remind, they remind me of you. And now, knowing you, you remind me back to this, Romans 12:11 says, Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor serving the Lord. And 12 says, Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faith in prayer. Dude, way to go. I love that you just have grabbed your family up, you're all in. It's so obvious that, that God is doing work through you and your family. And I think that there is a movement among fathers that is growing. And it takes, it takes God work through people like you. And so hat's off, man. Thank you very much. I have one more question and I'll turn it over to Kent. You were very intentional, you probably have a spreadsheet on this with four tabs, one for each of your daughters, knowing you now. How do you, how do you parent, how do you, how do you be a dad, they're different, I would assume, all four have very different personalities. You can do a lot of things similarly, but you also have to know your kids and you have to know what makes them tick. You have to understand their personality. That takes time, as well. It takes intentionality. It takes paying close attention. How do you, how do you, as a dad, be a dad to each of your four daughters in a way that meets them where they are?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:37:34] Great question. And I am still, I feel like each phase I have to rediscover and repray into, what's the current phase for each of my little girls and their hearts and helping them know that they're treasured. And helping them know that I want to spend time with them. And there are some anchoring parts of the day that I think I get a reminder to myself, bedtime. So I do bedtime. I don't know how many dads are just kind of in charge of bedtime, but it's my, it's my domain, is bedtime. And and it does give me a kind of an extended time to pray with to I mean, often I need to like insert an earbud and be listening to you guys' curriculum around anger free, because I feel like 80% of the bedtime process is I'm like internally, like, how in the world is this taking so long? And why can't you stop interrupting me?
Kent Evans: [00:38:27] We need a course called anger free bedtime.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:38:28] Yes, so needed. So, the bedtime, though, is a moment to put my hand on theirs and to whisper truths and blessings. So bedtime is one of those anchoring like it is a connection point as a group, but also individually. Mornings as each of them wake up, I'm pretty much always in the living room. That's a spot that I am early in the morning that I get to give them that first hug of the day. Just another affirmation moment of my love for them. Fridays have become our kickoff to our Sabbath as a family, and we have a dinner that I'm able to pray blessings and specific like courage into their little hearts. And so it's my, we light a candle and it's my domain. I get to pray over all four of my girls in that moment at a Friday dinner as we kind of kick off our Sabbath. So there's, there's a few anchoring things. And then the daddy dates that I mention. But the, the actual individual, does this daughter need to cook a meal together with me? Is that that our connection point? Is it going out, playing a board game at a coffee shop? Is it going for a run, because we're training for a Spartan? All four my girls now do Spartan obstacle course races with, They go do the kid version, which is wild and and they're getting into the things that Dad loves. So, right now it's not that hard to find delight and joy and adventure with my girls. It's, it's actually like, tonight we're going to Costco and I'm in charge. My wife's hosting a group here. So, Dad at Costco with my girls, I don't want to do that. But there is a way to make it fun and to add some adventure and to make it a little bit of mission. And one of the girls gets to hold the checklist and one that they get to scout and go out and grab stuff. And it's, we try to make it fun and try to turn the drudgery because there is I mean, a lot of dad life is like, I just want to get through this. Like, like this is not personally fulfilling in this moment. So if you can gamify, add a little challenge, add a little adventure, a spark, I, I tell pirate dog stories. I've created a series of stories for my girls, it's the Adventures of Pirate Dog and and the Secret Agents sisters. And they're always solving challenges and being like missional and adventurous. And I make these up on the fly, and it's a lot of nights I don't want to tell them because I'm frustrated at how bedtimes going, but they bring adventure.
Kent Evans: [00:40:42] And tonight, Pirate Dog is super angry. Well, Daddy wasn't Pirate Dog mad last night? Yeah, he's mad a lot. And we got to solve the problem.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:40:51] It's therapy. It's therapy for me. You got it. You nailed it.
Kent Evans: [00:40:55] Pirate dog's on the couch talking to his therapist. That's what pirate dog's doing. You know, Jeff, obviously, Dad's go to DadAwesome.org, listen to the DadAwesome podcast. I have come quickly to love and appreciate you, Jeff, partly because your heart is open to partnership and I and you have a kingdom minded vision. One of the first things Jeff ever emailed to me was this idea for how we could get fatherhood organizations to work better together. And so it's just amazing to watch a guy like you be, be a catalyst inside the fatherhood movement for so many different ministries and and connections. Man, god bless you. And I pray continued blessings on your work. I want to give you kind of like the final word to a dad. We hear from dads a lot who, if if I could describe the kind of general vibe from the dads we tend to hear from, it's dads who feel like they are failing. It's dads who feel like they are not doing enough, they're not doing enough of the right things. They're not making enough money. They're not home enough, they're not. And there's this general sort of malaise, I would say, across Christian dads, where they just feel like, man, life's on top of them, situations are on top of them, and they don't, they don't feel like they can get their head above the dad water. I would like for you to take a minute and just talk to that dad who probably is listening to this show or, or you dad might be listening to this show, and you know a dad who feels that way. You know a dad who's, who's in the middle of it. You need to send that dad today's episode because they will be so encouraged by Jeff's enthusiasm and his zest for life and his focus on the gospel. Jeff, would you just close us out by talking to a dad who feels discouraged? How would you speak encouragement and life into the life of that Dad?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:42:49] Thank you for the invitation. And I'm speaking this to myself like this is truly, I need to hear this today. You know, we carry a backpack, as a dad, and through our life as a child, as a young adult, as a newly married, as a dad, things have been added to our backpack that are weight that we're not designed to carry. There's weight that adds up, weight from our own father's or our father wasn't around, so that added weight. There's weight from things that we've done wrong or hurts that we've done and caused ourself or other people have caused to us, or maybe a church or a pastor has caused. And we had this weight, weight and a generation of dads carrying weight is not going to be a generation of dads bringing their full hearts to the dad life, or there full hearts to their kids, their full like courage. And what God invites us to do is throw off with like, throw it off is not this gentle invitation of just don't take it off and set it down like, no, throw it off. Hebrews 12:1 and 2 is like throw off the things that hinder the sin that's so easily entangles. So it might be weight from the past or things were caught up in right now. Dads there's things that we might be caught up in that we need to take seriously, the throwing off of those things. So because it will so easily entangle and it will cause us to have to carry this heavy burden that we're not designed to. We're actually designed to fix our eyes on Jesus and run this Dad life with joy and with purpose, with mission. And our kids, they're watching our eyes. And so if you, as a dad, feel like your eyes are dull today, if you're feeling man, I'm it's because I'm carrying all this weight. God invites us, Jesus invites us to, to throw it off and to receive what Jesus received the day He was baptized. Like, guys, we have to hear this. The heavens ripped open when Jesus was baptized, and by the way, there was like 15 years that He could have been doing purposeful ministry, but He actually humbled Himself, Jesus, and was an apprentice to His earthly father, Joseph, before He was activated into mission. So, Dad, the time horizons often were like, We should be, we should be like rocking it right now. And there's all kinds of things in our life that make it feel like delays or a job or this or that. Jesus, though, when He was activated, the heavens ripped open and God said, You are my loved son. So Dads, I want you to hear it, like you're a loved son of God. That's your identity. Be a son before you're trying to be a father. You are loved son of God. And then He says In you, I am well pleased. Like those words are for us, as adopted Sons of God, we get to walk in being a loved son of God and knowing that God's pleasure is all over us. He's like, You can do it. You're a dad who can do it. Doesn't matter the way you used to carry, you can throw it off, receive My love, walk as a love son of God and bring your whole heart and your shiny eyes to the dad life. So that's my encouragement to all of us is like, walk in that like, confidence and swagger. Like it be DadAwesome. Like, live into Manhood Journey and all the tools. Like live into this with your full heart, guys, because you don't have to walk that way with dull eyes and a heavy bag. You could throw it off and just be purposeful, be joyful, experience wonder and it'll it'll be contagious to your kids. Guys, thank you so much for joining us this week, episode 350, this mic flip conversation where I was interviewed. I thought I'd just end this time in prayer. God, thank You for each dad listening. Thank You for the good plans You have for their future. God thank You that no matter what the challenge in the current season or the joys in the current season that You have good in the future for each one of us that we are loved sons of God. That You are a good Father and that You will make a way. And even when it feels sometimes like, man, there's too much, it's too chaotic, I don't know what to do. I'm overwhelmed. God, You have good plans and You are our strength. So I just pray that You would make yourself known to each dad listening. They would experience refreshment from heaven, courage from heaven. God, that You would encourage them. That maybe this conversation was a little bit of encouragement, but that You would put courage deep in their hearts, that we as men, as dads, would be strong in the Lord and we would count on Your strength working on our behalf. So I pray you bless them, encourage them, refresh them, fill them with dreams, hopes, God even think of that Bible verse about old men having visions, young men dreaming dreams out of Joel and Acts, I think. I can't recall the reference God, but You know the verse God. I just pray that we'd be dreamers as dads. We would have, be dreaming big and dreams for our family's future. I pray this in Jesus name. Amen. Have a great week, guys.
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· 23:25 - "We say at DadAwesome, you are not being DadAwesome, if you're just pursuing the heart of your wife and your kids. If it's just about you in the home front, you actually have missed half the mission because it's all shortsighted. If you don't have brothers, if you don't have a few other guys that are after this mission together, you will not make it the distance. You will not be able to hold that arm, hold that strength. It's the only way to be DadAwesome is to do it in brotherhood."
· 33:36 - "If we think about the longevity of investment of time, we only have this limited amount of time with our kids before they leave the house. It's tiny, fractional moments versus deep, rich opportunity when they're on the home front. Dads, [spending intentional time with our kids] is just the easiest and best investment with compounding interest than we can ever imagine."
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